How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection “I'm worried about what other people think of me.” This is something I've heard countless times from patients who are struggling with the fear of being judged and rejected, as well as the corresponding emotions of hurt, inadequacy, and anger, all of which become heavier with time. These people frequently feel as if they have a boulder on their chest, making it difficult to breathe. If you can relate, you may not realise that you are pinned beneath a pile of rocks rather than a single boulder. The difference is that you have to deal with many smaller emotions rather than one large, overpowering emotion. This distinction suggests a solution: Smaller rocks (or emotions) can be removed more easily than large, undefinable ones. As I explain in my book Bouncing Back from Rejection, you can take one emotional "rock" off your chest at a time by scheduling some quiet time to do the following "Begin the Offloading Process" exercise: • Pay attention to your feelings. Close your eyes and concentrate on your emotional experience. You are aware of feeling rejected or afraid of being rejected, but pay attention to how you are feeling in general. Some people find it useful to start with their physical sensations, which can then lead to an awareness of their emotions. • Determine the emotions. Make a list of the emotions you're experiencing. If you're having trouble with this, you might find a list of emotions useful. Feelings such as rejection or abandonment, unlovability, hurt, betrayal, anger, or fear may be on your list. • Concentrate on a single emotion. Choose one of the emotions that are stirring within you as you become aware of them. Other than keeping your awareness on the emotion, don't try to do anything with it. • Sit with the emotion of your choice. You may notice that it changes on its own as you stick with it. That's fine. Perhaps your mild disappointment at being rejected by a friend is overshadowed by being "peeved" and then angry. Next, you may be afraid of your anger; specifically, you may be afraid that it will result in outright rejection, an experience that has seemed to haunt you for a long time. The unfolding of your emotions increases your self-awareness and can even provide great insight in this way. Continue to pay attention until you feel your work is complete for the time being. • When you find yourself becoming distracted while sitting with your emotions, remind yourself to return your attention to them. This may need to be repeated several times. Many people also find it beneficial to return their attention to their bodies and then notice which emotions arise as a result of their bodily sensations. You will most likely feel quite emotional after completing this exercise. You will, however, be better able to process your emotions and take conscious steps toward recovery from rejection. (To learn more about overcoming rejection, watch the short video Don't Let Feelings of Rejection Stop You.) You can repeat these steps for other emotions, but I don't recommend doing so all at once. It is time-consuming and can be emotionally draining. You will almost certainly need to repeat this exercise several times in order to identify, experience, and think through each significant emotion that is part of the "massive boulder" that is pinning you down. However, as you do so, you will most likely notice that your experience becomes less overwhelming. Thanks for watching ❤ See U