How to Get to the Root of Your Partner's Disagreement ?

How to Get to the Root of Your Partner's Disagreement You and your partner have the same arguments all the time. Maybe there are specific hot topics, or maybe you argue about everything. In any case, there's a good chance that the issues you're arguing about aren't what's keeping you at odds. Instead, the real issues are likely to be hidden beneath the surface, feeding the tensions that have arisen between you. As I explain in a short video, resolving or managing conflict entails identifying and addressing the issues at hand. Misunderstanding and miscommunication are two of the most common culprits. Misunderstanding. Understanding your partner entails more than simply summarising their reasoning. You can see the world through their eyes and empathise with their problems. They will feel heard and will be receptive to your responses. However, you cannot fully connect if you do not truly appreciate their point of view. You might simply not understand each other in everyday conversations. However, misunderstanding can lead to miscommunication, which fuels recurring conflicts. Miscommunication. When you and your partner don't understand each other, you may feel attacked, dismissed, unnoticed, or as if the other person doesn't care about you. Unless you take a step back and clear up the misunderstanding, you'll both be stuck in your own world, with neither of you truly understanding what the other is trying to say. Jessica, for example, helps herself feel calm during stressful times by keeping her home organised. She despises messes because they make her feel uneasy. Unfortunately, this became a source of contention when she moved in with Anna. Anna, who was constantly leaving things all over the place, would make Jessica feel disrespected. And when Jessica harped on Anna about the need to clean up, Anna became irritated and saw Jessica as controlling. They had a lot of disagreements about it, but they never got anywhere. Their debates were always circular, with each of them feeling misunderstood and attacked. Taking time apart to calm down and for each partner to reflect on what is really going on inside of them and the other is often the solution to such arguments. Then, if they return with an open mind to hearing each other out, they are more likely to work together to resolve the conflict. Jessica and Anna were successful with this strategy. Jessica approached Anna on a quiet Saturday afternoon and expressed her desire to speak with her. She explained that her desire for the apartment to be organised was not motivated by a desire to dictate what Anna should do, but rather by a desire to feel "organised" and at peace within herself. When stated this way, Anna understood Jessica's need to "have a place for everything and everything in its place" by talking about herself rather than Anna's behaviours. Then Anna described what it was like to be chastised and called a slob. Jessica could understand how upsetting this would be. The discussion reduced their tension, allowing them to work better together and communicate their feelings in a constructive manner. To apply this approach to your relationship, use your caring for your partner as motivation to think more deeply about your conflicts. Being diplomatic in expressing your thoughts and feelings, as well as being open to your partner's experience, can be beneficial. You will both be happier in your life together as a result of better communication. Thanks for watching ❤ See U