When a Loved One Is Extremely Sensitive to Rejection

 

When a Loved One Is Extremely Sensitive to Rejection

Your relationship is in shambles. Whether it's your partner, sibling, or friend, they appear to be extremely sensitive and easily hurt by you. You understand that “it takes two to tango” and that you must consider your own role in this dynamic, but your loved one appears to be especially sensitive to rejection.

People who are sensitive to rejection, as I explain in my book Bouncing Back from Rejection, can manifest it in a variety of ways, including:

• Excessive reaction.

Some people anticipate rejection. They frequently feel hurt even when the circumstances do not appear to call for it. Or they react to minor rejections as if they were major rejections. For example, they may feel completely disrespected if a friend is late for dinner one time because they got caught up at work.

• Being unable to progress.

Rejection-sensitive people frequently ruminate about being rejected or fearing that they will be. They simply can't stop thinking the same things over and over. As a result, they do not alter their behaviour or seek ways to alleviate their distress. A common example is when, ten years after an affair, a person's partner is still preoccupied with it and unable to leave the relationship.

• I'm reacting with venomous rage.

When people are rejected or ignored, it is common for them to become enraged. And this rage frequently elicits even more rage. Rejection-sensitive people are especially vulnerable to becoming enraged, according to noted psychologist Paul Ekman in his book Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. “One of the most dangerous aspects of anger is that it breeds more anger, and the cycle can quickly escalate.”

• To avoid being judged.

People who are sensitive to rejection frequently feel unworthy, flawed, or unlovable. The mere prospect of being judged can be devastating. Not surprisingly, they frequently attempt to protect themselves from rejection by withdrawing socially or making extraordinary efforts to gain the approval of others. As a result, they frequently feel as if no one knows who they are and that they are alone.

• Responding with a nonchalant demeanour.

Some people try to suppress their feelings and their sensitivity to rejection rather than show their vulnerability. Still, if you pay attention, you might notice some indications that they aren't completely apathetic. They may appear irritated or restless, for example.

• Being self-sufficient and independent.

Some people are extremely self-sufficient, going beyond the appearance of not caring about rejection. They are less likely to seek personal support, comfort, or encouragement from others. They use emotional distance to keep themselves from feeling vulnerable. Even if they don't appear to be lonely, they may feel as if something is missing from their lives.

People who are rejection-sensitive react in these ways to rejection or the fear of rejection because they feel deeply unworthy, unlovable, inadequate, or significantly deficient as individuals. They may believe that they can perform in ways that will earn them love or acceptance. However, it appears that they are being cared for because of what they do, rather than because of who they are. As a result, they are constantly concerned about being discovered or failing to perform well enough to maintain their caring.

If someone you care about is sensitive to rejection, it's important to understand that you can't fix it for them. You can fall in love with them. You can help them. However, healing must take place within themselves in the end. They must understand that they are valuable simply for being themselves.

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