Myths and Facts About Masturbation

 

Myths and Facts About Masturbation

What we do with ourselves when we're alone is the most private aspect of sex. Many people are vaguely ashamed of masturbation — perhaps they were chastised by their parents as children for exploring their bodies, sending the message that they should never masturbate, or at the very least, feel uncomfortable doing so.

Masturbation, on the other hand, is normal at all stages of life. Masturbation is used by children for pleasure and self-soothing, with no sexual connotation. Masturbation fantasies begin to revolve around mutual sexual give and take during puberty, motivating adolescents to face their fears, risks, and necessary losses associated with leaving home in order to find their own satisfying relationship. Masturbation can become a more complicated issue in our families and relationships as we grow older. What should we do if we catch our children doing it? Should it be something we give up once we've reached sexual maturity? Here are some common misconceptions and facts about it:

“Children who do it are at risk of being sexualized at a young age.” - MYTH

Every child stimulates themselves. They become acquainted with their bodies through sensation. Touching some places brings joy, while touching others causes pain. Masturbation should be taught to children as a private act, best done alone in their own bedrooms, and that their bodies are supposed to feel good. According to research, age-appropriate education about the body and its sexual function from an informed parent results in less sexual promiscuity or risk-taking in adolescence. Excessive masturbation in young children should be investigated to determine whether the child is anxious, neglected, or stressed.

“You shouldn't need masturbation if you're in an adult relationship.” - MYTH

Most people masturbate at some point in their lives. We have sonograms of babies doing it in the womb, as well as reports of people doing it into their old age. We understand the power of sharing our sexual feelings with another once we are mature or have gone through puberty. However, there are reasons and occasions when a person may desire a private moment of sensation – not necessarily a sexual exchange. Perhaps they require some stress relief. It is occasionally used to reconcile sexual drive differences with a partner. Sometimes they just do it because it feels good.

“If you masturbate, it indicates that your marriage isn't fulfilling.” – MYTH

Katie had just found her husband Brian masturbating in the shower. He told her he did it most mornings, which surprised her. She was mostly concerned that he was doing it because he didn't think she was sexy or sexual enough. He reassured her that it wasn't about her – he did it because it felt good, it was quick, and it was a good way to start his day: "Nope, I'm not disappointed in you, and I actually see this as a completely separate act than our shared love-making."

FACT: “It teaches you about your body.”

Most boys start masturbating and climaxing when they reach puberty, after their first wet dreams. Masturbation teaches approximately 75% of young girls how to have orgasms. Sex therapists may recommend self-discovery as a route to orgasm for women who have difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse without the pressure of pleasing a partner (unless the client has a moral objection to masturbation).

“It's the quickest way to orgasm.” – Fact

Women repeatedly tell me that they can climax in two minutes by themselves but it takes 45 minutes with their partners. Masturbation is usually motivated by a desire for sexual pleasure. Coupled sex may be initiated by the other partner, and while a person may enter a sexual encounter willing to have sex, they may not want sexual release. In addition, a partner may not accurately touch a specific spot, apply pressure, or find the rhythm that will cause an orgasm.

FACT AND MYTH: “You will prefer it to partnered sex.”

People generally agree that, while masturbation is sexually satisfying, it does not provide them with the deep sense of completion and connection that coupled sex does. However, sometimes partnered sex is disappointing, and people retreat into a solitary sex life, frequently using pornography as stimulation. If sexual differences are causing distress or separating partners, sex therapy or couples counselling can help restore happiness and connection.

Masturbation typically begins in childhood and is frequently a part of an adult's life, even if they have a good and satisfying sexual relationship with a partner. While admitting it may feel embarrassing, everyone does it at some point in their lives, and it is a natural part of being a sexual being.

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